I rushed to the conference. I missed the first day. Judging from the notes on the conference board I missed nothing. Maybe I overlooked something. I check the board again.
My heart races. Have I checked the work emails? I look around. I get some coffee to look busy. I move to the corner to get a better view over the crowd. I count down from ten: zehn, neun, acht, sieben… Nobody I know. I look out the window. The trees are almost without leaves. It is autumn. The year is practically over.
I check my phone. No missed calls, but 10 text messages, 20 emails. I roll my eyes. I scroll through them and delete eight; invitations my boss will decline and useless promos. How do people find the time to send so many unimportant emails? I take a deep breath.
My heart gets louder again. I get my “To Do list” out of my pocket. I have to reprioritize. It will calm me down. Is this really worth the time? I have to find some time to get out, go running. Get rid of negative energy. I look at a tree and a black bird cries out. I used to run every day. When did I stop?
I check my messages again. I confirm a lunch date. I have not eaten since last night. I am hungry. No food served until the allotted lunch hour. A bell rings. The conference continues. “Everybody to their session”, a woman shouts. I start walking while watching a leaf fall down to the ground. How can the year be almost over? I remember last New Year’s Eve in Vienna. A city with castles and horse-drawn carriages and graffiti all over. Old and beautiful and full of young life in the same time. Did I wish for anything special at midnight? I do not remember.
My mind spins around and my heart beats loudly but my body has to sit still. I have to count again. Zehn, neun, acht, sieben... Damn. The internet connection broke down. I put my phone away. Look out the window again. The bird is gone. I wonder if it will rain today. What a nice garden…
The conference voices have long reduced to a distant murmur. I watch the garden, the nice flowers – even the leaves, sprinkled with droplets in the steady rain. Time out.
I think about the blog. I love that I am able to write about what moves me. I think I might write about my first visit on my own to a museum. Maybe I can find the time to go this weekend… Can you believe that I have never been to a museum just because I wanted to? I’ve never sat in front of a painting and wondered what it would do to me, how it would make me feel. It calms me down just thinking about it. I take in a long breath in and close my eyes.
Shoot. My eyes open in alert. This weekend we are going to visit family in Munich. Have I checked when we have to leave on Friday? Is this conference really worth my time? I get up. Sorry for being so noisy. I tiptoe out of the room.