Year of the Ram?


Theme: When something changes – good or bad. A twist of events, an unexpected turn of events, a change in the wind, weather, love, whatever.


Written by Kat

LENNY, The Ram, Western Zodiac symbol of Aries. Bold, impulsive, stubborn.
CARL, The Dog, Chinese Zodiac animal. Winsome, loyal, righteous.
SQUIGGY, The Magic Eight Ball. Self-promoting; fun for about five minutes.
WAITRESS, One of the Fates. Astrological players are too embroiled in their conversation to pay her any mind.
(Lenny and pal Carl meet at the local Tarot Diner to trade notes on the New Year.)

(Lenny uncrosses his right leg and turns over the fresh newspaper with his teeth, eats it. He questions Carl between slovenly chews.)


So, ugh. What’s the deal in the ambiguous barnyard – are you being guided by a goat or a sheep this year?

(Carl looks a little worse for wear. The end of the year is approaching; hes got walk-of-shame face plastered across his whiskers and blood-shot eyes.)


Depends whom you ask. To me, it’s just the horse – with a different color. At the moment, I’m focused on gearing up for my debut.

(Squiggy stealthily rolls into the conversation. Neither Lenny nor Carl is quite sure when he arrived.)


Without a doubt.

(Awkward pause as both throw shade at Squiggy.)


Did you invite the pool ball?

(Carl bears a long, yellow canine, but is interrupted as the Waitress comes over. She takes her sweet time blowing a giant bubble, and lets her gum smack loudly enough to get everyones attention.)


Boys, I brought your cards. Got a couple specials for ya: I’ve got The Fool, with a side of Justice; I’ve got the Wheel of Fortune; and I’ve got the Lovers, which go great with our mimosas. I’ll give you a few minutes to see how those play out.

(All three stare at the cards. Lenny makes a rude gesture with his hooves.)


How does she expect us to hold those?


Outlook not so good.

(If Lenny could throw Squiggy, he would. But Lenny knew that instinct would drive Carl to fetch him. Damn Carl for being playful. Carl skirts over the acrimony and resumes his conversation with Lenny.)


How’s your 2015 been so far?


Bah. Little of this, little of that. Had some serious down time. Mercury is retrograde again.

(They both shake their heads; collective sighs.)

Right?! Yo. I’m supposed to relish all this time for introspection, but I’m itching to get out in the world.

(Lenny shadowboxes his hooves above Squiggy. Carl licks a spot on his seat that smells delicious. Forgets himself for a moment, looks up abruptly and remembers its his turn to talk.)


I wouldn’t read too much into it. You can’t wait for the stars to always be aligning and shit.


Yeah… the rest of the year looks promising. This is the year I give no fucks. Plus, I’m all creative and enlightened, and my birthday month promises to be hella sexy.


Don’t count on it.

(This inflames Lenny.)


Dude! Sometimes I just wanna shake you! ARRRRRGGGH!

(Lenny lunges across the table to butt Squiggy with his horns.)


Whoa. Settle down.


Betcha didn’t see that coming! Hey-O!


Reply hazy try again.

(Pleased with his own comeback, Lenny relaxes, ignoring Squiggy’s dazed discomfort.)


Anyway, Carl, whatchyou got in store for the Lunar New Year?


Same same. Keep calm in the face of change, try something new, be frugal with my money, be a team player, don’t lose my temper and bite anyone. You know, “access my diplomacy skills”.

(Said with a double paw quotation, this invokes a hardy laugh across the table. When it dies down, Carl scratches his ear with his back foot and licks his nose. He pauses. Looks up, ears down.)

They say I might get fat.


That’s harsh, dude.


Chinese astrologists keep it real.

(A sudden breeze blows through their fur. Squiggy rocks sideways.)

You guys feel that?


Signs point to yes.


The winds of change.


Well, they weren’t forecast.

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